Just me and you, baby. Wouldn't that be nice?

I have really never enjoyed going to a dumb all-inclusive resort with a boyfriend. We always end up having fights and breaking up before the dumb trip is over.

That's why I started this practice--going on vacation as the "ice breaker." So I went on vacation with this really hot guy. I’m going to try to recreate it for you, reader, using the shots on my phone and my memory. I hope you enjoy it. (And like always, remember if you want to see the actual shots on my phone without the blurred out parts you can email me at xtinesteven@gmail.com.)

DAY ONE

I know you were nervous about it, Douglas, our trip to Costa Rica. Yes, it's my favorite place to go. It's so chill. You're going to love it.

I've got four new bikinis I just can't wait to take off for you! I’m so excited for our trip together, aren’t you?

But let’s not rush it! First let’s enjoy the drive to the airport, and no we’re not going to the dumbass LAX. They're flying us there on a private jet. It goes out of Van Nuys. It’s sweet. In a couple hours we’ll be down in Costa Rica in this swank five-star hotel.

Sitting on the beach, forgetting all our problems. Just me and you. Can you imagine that? Yes, it's your fanstay vacay with sexy Christine Stevens. See, they flew us here for free because I'm an influencer, so I get to write about it, sorry. I won't blow your confidentiality. I'll blur out your face in the story if you want.

As soon as we get there I’m going to hit the beach in the black bikini top with the cute baby blue bottom. And I feel very sexy in it. Do I look sexy?

I don’t ask you that out loud, Douglas. I just look at you quizzically. You’re over there lying in the sand reading a book. Are you going to look up and notice this hot piece of ass you came down here to be with? There you go. You noticed me. I notice something too. There’s a bulge in your shorts. Nice. I am going to enjoy that bulge at some point on this little trip, it's inevitable. But the anticipation is almost more fun than the event itself, don't you agree? You and I kind of moving toward one another like magnets. But there is still the force of unfamiliarity keeping us apart. I love this tension! Don't yoU?

Next we go back to the hotel room to change for tennis. It's kind of sexy, to be changing in front of you. Since we're new to each other, you're very polite and look away as I change into my crop top and skirt before we play tennis. I love tennis, I enjoyed playing with you, although you weren't trying your hardest, I can tell. Did you let me win? I don't mind. I enjoyed winning, either way.

Then I have to get changed into something for the afternoon drink thing. I can't make up my mind. What do you think?

Maybe that's too casual. How about this turquoise thingie? (Now you see why I brought such a large and heavy suitcase that you so politely hauled for me. I think I look pretty good in it, don't you?

Turquoise or green are my favorite colors. What about this? Should I wear this leather thing? (Oh and by the way, as I show you these outfits, I'm showing you what's underneath, if you know what I mean. I'm saying "You get to fuck this tonight, baby. It's all yours. This is your future. It's inside this little outfit. You're going to go there. For the first time. You're like a virgin. I'm going to take your Christine virginity.)

"So what do you think of this outfit?"I purr.

For some reason, you seem to be having trouble speaking. Good. That's good.

And by the way, you've seen me in my underwear, topless, changing into these outfits in front of you, and we still haven't kissed. Isn't that awesome? See, this is the way to have an awesome vacay. It's called delayed gratification. But don't worry, baby. The gratification is coming. Oh yeah. You hit the lottery, don't mean to brag, but I look pretty sexy.

And I'm totally turned on, trying on clothes for you. Imagine if you were my boyfriend and I was kinda pissed off at you half the time and really never that excited to be getting dressed in front of you. I'd be bored. You'd be bored. Boredom is the worst. And isn't this the opposite of boredom? Excitement. Titillation. I live for this!

And readers, for you, isn't this a nice way to spend your time, on vicarious vacation with Christine Stevens? Seeing her get changed into different outfits. Just watching her and enjoying her? And imagining that you're actually in the hotel room with her. So close. So close. Are you getting hard?

Alright, let's go to the party.

We had some drinks, I was talking to some other people, ignoring you. Trying to drive you crazy. I think it worked. You came over to me and told me you wanted me to see this view. We walked out onto the balcony and looked at the ocean. Then we had our first kiss.

Can you imagine jumping to kiss your husband or boyfriend with that urgency while on vacation? No, we all become a bit robotic and start sleepwalking through life together, it's true. But when we're new to each other, we're on our toes. We're alive!

It was nice. Your mouth was eager. I could tell you were nervous. I don't blame you. What had you gotten yourself into, after all? Here in Costa Rica, miles from home, with this strange woman who's trying to drive you crazy with desire, trying on different outfits in front of you and ignoring you at the party.

Oh God, I feel so alive right now, don't you, reader? Don't you feel so alive with me jumping your bones like that and giving you a good makeout session?

Reader, imagine you and I have our first kiss. Mmm. It feels good to connect with you this way. Does it feel good to you too? I bet it does. Go ahead, put your arms around me. Feel that human closeness. Oh, we all need that, don't we? Some human touch. Mmm, feels good, baby. I feel close to you, reader, right now, I really do. Do you feel close to me?

"Let's go back to the room," I suggest. And now, let's forget about this Douglas character, reader. We just used him to get you into the vicarious spirit of the thing. Now you're here with me and kissing me like this, we don't need him any more. It's just me and you, Reader, for the rest of the story.

But odd, you seemed in no hurry. You wanted to hang out more, talk to people about the various activities we could do, the jet skis, the parasailing, the golfing. Oh god, you don't golf, do you? I don't like guys who golf.

"Come on, let's go," I say, dragging you away. "It's time, baby. It's time to do what we're here to do."

So we leave the party hand in hand. I'm loving this, aren't you? Going hand in hand with a new friend. I feel young. Like I'm in 8th grade again and you're my first boyfriend. I can't wait to kiss you some more in the hotel room baby.

"See how great it is going on vacation with someone you haven't fucked yet," I say to you as we drive back to our little villa on this cute little golfcart. I like golf carts, I just don't like golf.

"See, if we were boyfriend and girlfriend or married, we wouldn't be nervous right now, would we?"

"Nervous?" you said. "I'm not nervous."

"Well, you know what I mean. There's a kind of mystery still. Isn't there? What's it going to be like? Couples who have been together don't have that. And their vacations suck."

"Hmmm," you say. "Maybe you're right."

I pull the golf cart over and we have another smooch.

"I'm always right," I say. "You understand that, don't you?"

"Oh yeah, I'm getting that idea," you say. And I can't tell if you're being snarky or being mean. We'll see. So I smooch you again and almost knock you off the cart--man you're getting me all worked up with this snarky attitude of yours! I like it.

We get back to the room. I take off my clothes. I'm ready for action baby. How about that? I'm your little vacation escape. Escape into this naked body, baby. How would you like that? That's right, you saw my boobs before, and you kissed me. But now look. It's my pussy! Isn't it amazing? Every woman has one, I know. But we keep them hidden and then, presto, changeo, at some point we become magicians and pull it out of a hat like a rabbit. Only it's not a rabbit. it's a pussy!