I Volunteer To Be Her Submissive

In order to clean my karma

I had lost my reflection. I had no idea where she went. I felt all alone in the world, lonelier and more lost than I'd ever felt.
"Like I'm only half here," I told my psychiatrist.
I was a real mess. Hiding in the chair as I tried to explain to him what happened. It was so embarrassing to talk about.
"Well, my reflection put on a strap-on and fucked me in the ass in this place called the Land of Love, but when I went running throough the ring I saw my dead mother and maybe I died too and maybe I'm now a ghost."

He looked at me and I could tell he was trying so hard not to have the expression of "Are you out of your mind?"
I mean, of course I'm out of my mind. Why else would I be here?
"Do I need to adjust my bipolar meds," I asked him, since he had replied with radio silence to my shocking confession.
"I'm not sure," he said. "But it's not an uncommon syndrome these days, I'm afraid. You're not the only one having problems with proprioception."
"Proprio what?"
"The ability to perceive yourself in space and time," he said. "It's because of sensory overload. All the iPhones and the selfies and the endless narcissistic parade that our American culture has become. People are suddenly losing the ability to perceive themselves. Their real selves."
"What can I do?"
"It's a modern form of derealization-depersonalization disorder. You've become disconnected from your sense of self."
"OK. Is there a cure for any of this?"
He gave me a card. There were doctors that specialized in this sort of thing, apparently. This did make me feel better. I wasn't the only one! Thank God.
So I went to see a bunch of different "specialists" in proprioception. And I did all kinds of exercises and drills to try to retrain my brain into seeing my own reflection. The doctors were basically like physical therapists for the brain. They told me I might never regain my proprioception or my sense of self. But I could learn these coping mechanisms, that involved mindfulness, visualization, and basically concentration with a dose of hopefulness.

I tried hard. I did everything I was told. And I did begin to see somewhat of a reflection. Like the outline of me when I looked in the mirror. This helped me with self-care. I was able to do a fairly decent job on my hair and makeup at least.

Still, when I went looking for my girlfriend, my true love, my absent Christine, this is all I saw.

I felt so abandoned.